For the alter: Need Help with , honor celebrate
Class #1 January 14, 2010
What I want? What would I like to discover or confirm of myself in the doing of completing this.
What excites me?
What freaks me out?
I want to write a one-person. This show started with no real idea in mind, just thought that I had to make my own magic happen. It has now become a weekly therapy session that freaks me out each time. Things are ok when I’m ok with my writing, but sometimes the questions that people ask freak me out. This is also what stops me. My whole show is based on me not knowing anything about who I am, not just as an American Indian, but as a person, this show is my slow speed come apart, the road to my nervous breakdown. I’m a pretty aware person, an overthinker if you will. I know everything is in my head, and I realize when I am doing it. I reason and think everything out, there are no surprises for me. I research everything. I wonder if I’d be like this without the wonders of the internet.
I want my show to be the best EVER and after it all the people who didn’t cast me, or saw me as native enough, will eat their words!
(notes, how is this wanda’s motivation and how does she use this in what scenario? What would be the best thing ever for her? The juxtaposition of wanting the answers and can I be an excellent mystery and what is the overt and covert when Wanda is asked a questions, how does she keep it in, or does she just explode, and what is that question)
This in part excites me too, but at the same time freaks me out. It freaks me out because of things that I have written. Will people view me differently after the words have been said out loud? They may, because I voice some strong opionion towards my own people, and this would seem odd and out of place for most that know me. I’m the quiet one, I don’t try and make myself center of attention, rather I sit back and watch the show.
It would be exciting for people to “get” what I’m saying. To understand it infinitely. My fear is that no one will. I’m too intellectual you see. My mind is capable of thoughts you haven’t even thought about yet, or could possible fathom.
What would I like to confirm? That I exist in the world.
Indian names when I’m powerfully creating: Wanda Big Canoe (what does she look like, like Charlie brown on the mound)
When I’m scared: Jennifer Bobiwash
She can be frustrated and sad, what frustrates her about these white people claiming they’re Indian, they’re diluting the pool.
Real Indians threaten her because they know more than her.
Is she afraid that she’s not really indan?
What’s her ultimate fear? That’s she a hypocrite, she’s afraid she’s just like them,
Only real Indians suffer, you can’t live in a white picket house and be real Indian.
You can’t be a revolutionary now.?
I should’ve been there with sitting bull to be real Indian.
I should’ve grown up on reservation to be real Indian.
You can’t be a real Indian without having lived on the rez.
Can she accept herself as Indian, and how does she compensate? Does she cut off her har? Is she Indian inside? How do you be a real Indian.
See how agitate and crazy does she get when people clain they’re Indian and she’s around others, what does she do when she’s alone.
Does she ever exploit being Indian?
Work Dramatic Question, What is his problem at the beginning of the story? (i.e. this is a story when…) (will help with the arc, should be said in a really simple way, one sentence)
In hamlet , hamlet’s dramatic question is what happens to a guy who thinks his uncle killed his father.
This is a story of what happens when….
Write one page of the whole story, what I think the story is and what it should be….
What happens when she has to dress up and then what happens when she takes it off, the things that embarrass her, what are the things that she thinks people will think really badly about and how she compensates….
What I feel and rail against
Class 2 of 9
I have a 5 room museum to fill. First image, last image and what are in the rooms. 3 key images
Welcome to the gallery. Please follow your tour guide. Here we have the artist’s “Study in White”, the maze takes up the entire 400 square feet of this room, each wall is made of silk, that has fiber optics running through it as to light the room This piece is about the painters search for perfection in the world. At the heart of the maze is a statue made of clay.
If you’ll follow me to the next room, this is our grand salon, note the embossed wallpaper that is a call to yesteryear. If you’ll look closely at the walls, you’ll not that each design is slightly different. You see the artist hand embossed each section of the wall, note the tiny flecks of hand painted figures that dance between the designs. There is seating in the center so you can experience the full effect of the differences in light and time of day on each wall.
Our third room harkens back to the turn of the century, when the new world was just being discovered by the Europeans. Again, note how the artist painted directly on the walls, the large waves as they are crashing into the foreign shores. The art is in disarray as if the ship that was carrying it has crashed against the rocks and all that is left of these treasures is floating in the nothingness of the ocean. The floor in here is a bit askew, so you may feel a bit sick at times.
The fourth room has lush black velvet on floor, walls and ceiling. Nothing else.
The last room is a gift shop.
Welcome to the : The abyss.
Last image is a 7’ tall painting of a messed up Dorothy, but she has no face. She’s cartoonish and takes up the 7 feet of the canvas, her knee socks with tiny skirt and white apron.
What would happen if the narrator didn’t have a face?
(the last image) She’s big, so she’ll have to be notices, there’s no place like home does she get back?
What would Wanda do if she saw the exhibits?
One thing that I discovered today.:I have known all along what the story is about but didn’t actually know it. Discovered that there has to have a more of a relationship with the other character, than I thought they had. That there is an arc to Wanda, and that she really does want something.
Learned from the other person, to just let go and accept what may come.
Did an improve in class to find out what the heck is up with Wanda and what she wants.
January 28, 2010
What is ridiculous to my character?
This entire conversation is ridiculous! Why have I chosen today of all days to engage this man? I have seen him here time and time again, I can only imagine how many hours he has spent in here being everything that I don’t want Indians to be. He sits there on his same bar stool every week. The black on his baseball cap worn so much it’s grey. He slumps over the bar like there is a permanent crook in his back, I’d be afraid to hear the crackle of this bones if he were to sit up straight to talk to Vic or order a drink. Heavy work boots dangle from his feet. Encrusted in muck and mud from where I wonder? Surely he can’t have a job. The thigh area on his jeans is worn, as if he is constantly patting at his legs in worry. What do you have to worry about old man? His shirt is the only thing that doesn’t look worn out by time. A simple denim shirt, maybe covering his sweat stained shirt from a long day of drinking?
I come into this bar everyday after work, to shake of the stress and other peoples worry of the day. I want to just sit and not be known, to be invisible. To enjoy my drink, a diet soda in peace. Yet I want to feel like I am still a part of the action going on. If I wanted to be so unknown, I would sit at one of the huge velour covered booth in the back, but I don’t. I want my anonymonity to be front and center for the world to see. I sit right at the bar, in the middle of the place, the middle of the bar, right where I can see both tvs playing whatever Vic is in the mood for today. It is ridiculous for me to want to talk to this stranger? Yet I feel I have to. I want to feel this connection to him, to my people. A connection that I have no idea what it is. This is ridiculous, because I’m not sure if he is Indian…I look I search for some signal, some sign that tells me he is, I listen to the conversations that he has…
Indian Name: She who sits alone.
Plastic material-telling about the character thru his clothing and possessions.
How loud I want to be anonymous.
The tears as an arc for the narrator.
Paradox of being visible and anonymous. She hides by being a witness.
Paid to be a laughed with
Take me with you.
What I’ve accomplished,
February 4, 2010
A prayer to an agnostic is like a drink to a teetotaler. What do you say when you don’t exactly know the experience? I write a prayer and send it on to the Creator, because that’s what my people call this supposed omnipresence. He is the Gitchi Manitou. There is no confusion regarding gender, like when other refer to god. You want a female presence? There is Grandmother. Who is mother to Nanabush, a half-god, half-human who was born on turtle island and whose job it was to help the Anishnabeg. Giving a prayer is a wonderment to me. What to say? Pull all the clichés and verbage about what one should say. Thank you. Thank you for giving me life, for allowing me to live here. But really is this mystical force really responsible for my being? I am made up of chemical compounds, I am carbon based. Faith is not something I can touch or see. It has to do with the mind. Information that is subjective and depending on the views of a person can sway either way. My body, the flesh and blood of it, is black and white. There is no gray. It’s either sick or not, healthy or not. My mind, though, can wander for days without a definite answer. Faith is of the mind. It’s something for people to believing in. A greater good. I try to send a happy message to the creator, but feel like a phony. Is it hypocritical to pray if you don’t believe? I didn’t ask for anything, I was merely being a polite guest (difference between Indian or not, does she think they’re fooling themselves, does she ever have to prayer, what does she do with prayer, if she doesn’t have to be polite what would she say.) and saying thank you. Thank you for doing whatever the stories say you did. I should be impressed with your feats, but if I find it hard to believe that the entire earth was made from some dirt a tiny otter got from the bottom of the ocean, then placed upon the back of a turtle to grow and grow to accommodate the world.
I am relieved to receive my own prayer back. Not that I care if someone else got it. But just because then I’m not a poser, pretending to believe. (why does that give me grace or assurance, or comfort regarding the prayer, does she wish she could believe, does she feel that since she doesn’t believe is she not a true Indian, is there such thing as an atheist or agnostic Indian? What does prayer bring to the character?)
Prayer givers name: She who tries too hard.
Oh Gitchi Manitou, great Creator
Thank you for giving my people life. When Nanabush came and helped my people in the world, it was a great sacrifice for you. Thank you to Grandmother and all her love and care. She gave it nurturing the Anishnabeg. Chi Meegwetch!
What if that was my prayer? (Eric’s prayer)
I love this prayer, not hokey at all, but giving thanks for all that they have, in their own way. I love the gunk, forget the gunk, just see past to who the person is. Simple pure. Thank you. I don’t know what else to say. Prayer. I wish I could have faith and belief like that. To trust in a higher power, something beyond me to blame.
Feeling stuck or disappointned and not feeling like Geronimo.
How important it is for Wanda to be seen as an Indian? Who I am vs what I am? When talking about Geronimo and how I fucked up his name with Sitting bull. It was honest, then I put the vail back up. There is passion to talk about Geronimo but it was
Use all the rxn about what this epiphany does to me!
Assignment: what an Indian isn’t! all the things I can’t stand that Indians wear, is there anything they wear that I find cool, hip, or unique. Tshirt-Yes, yes I am Indian.
Feb 11, 2010
Class sucked! I hate talking about myself.
Have the dramatic question
See what’s there
Do an outline
NAIL THE DRAMATIC QUESTION. Will help to see what I need, to see what the arc is.
See the arc of the story, what’s the beginning, middle and end.
What point of view your telling the story from.
His name is Eric Welch, Amazing kid company.