Notes: Look, I don’t know why I’m here. (beat) Ok, my therapist suggested that I come check you guys out. But dude, I am so not like these people. Yes I was there, it was a big crowd. I sat way in the back, behind some guys from a group home. Scary looking fucks. I listened to the speaker, whom I had nothing in common with, I couldn’t relate to anything they said.
The one lady who was up there talking about how she had lost everything, and how her life was consumed by it. Dude I sat there and tears were just rolling down my face, and I felt this ache inside. I mean I felt for this person, whose life had fallen apart because she had lost control
- I don’t know what I’m doing here, why don’t you tell me. I yelled at the room. What the fuck did they think? I have been drinking since I was 13, and yes I have always woken up with not knowing what went on the night before, it was never an issue, probably because I didn’t know it was a problem. I think it was only within the last couple of years that I figured out that it was a problem. That and w
Light just on my head and shoulders.
Ya ever have that one moment in your life that you wish you could just take back. I always think that those people who say “oh no, not me, are just full of it”. Come on, one small moment that could change the rest of your life. Lately it feels that mine are just piling up.
Full spot on me in an orange jumpsuit.
Huh? Oh no, I have nothing to share. I’m good just listening. I don’t care what the terms are, I have nothing to say. (getting ajitated)
What? Look I don’t want to be here, and I don’t give a rats ass about you (look the therapist) Yeah, I’m sorry, yes, I remember the rules. What do I have to do?
Fine! My name is Lola. (beat-thinking) or at least that what people used to call me. I don’t really know how the name came about. I guess it’s like that Sybil chick or something.
I really can’t put my finger on the moment it started…It was the summer just before I was going into high school, & I don’t know why, I had that first drink. God I was barely 13. There was no peer pressure, we were just sitting around my house in the back yard, me and two other friends I’ve had my whole life, and we’re going to a party with the guys from next door. They’re already in high school, and we’d been friends with them for a few years now. Its terrible to look back and think of time wasted on trying to find someone to buy alcohol. I never resorted to hanging out on main street and looking, waiting for someone who would “buy” for us. I think subconsciously that’s why I didn’t drink beer. Transportation problems. How the heck do you sneek a 2-4 out of the house? It’s much easier to throw a mickey in your bag and grab a coke at the corner store. Or better yet, get a 26-er and you have enough booze to last a while. But anyway. Was that to fit in? All the cool kids we’re doing it? I don’t know. I was a bit naïve, my friends were doing drugs around me and I didn’t even know it.
It wasn’t until the last couple of years, that I discovered that you weren’t supposed to lose parts of your night. I would wake up most morning after a night of drinking & not remember certaine events after a few drinks, if not most of the night.
That’s what happened this last time. I was just going out for one, I wasn’t even drinking wine at the after party, but goddamit, you’re in a bar, so you have to drink. I just want to be like everyone else, I don’t want to be different, but look at me I can’t help but look different.
I have no idea what time it was, it was dark out still, I vaguely remember clutching the steering wheel for dear life
Yeah, I attacked the receptionist at a Planned Parenthood. They tell me that’s against my parole (find out about parole violations).
What a fuckin joke, those do-gooder wannabees are say saying that “You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect”. Sure, that’s why when you go to the door for emergency contraception, which they say you don’t need an appointment for, they turn you away and say “we’re not taking walk-ins anymore, come back tomorrow, when you’ll be outside your 72 hour window. Why do I feel so dirty and humilitated going there, but I can understand why people target them. It’s ont only the pro-lifers, I’m sure. The way they treat you like second class citizens is enough to make you wane yell and scream.
They turned me away. I needed emergency contraception, which has to be administered within 72 hours and they tell me to come back tomorrow. Well, you know what tomorrow’s gonna be too late, you do gooder bastards.