Thursday, June 25, 2009

Sustenance?

Read (7/2/09)

This being Indian stuff is hard when you’re not surrounded by them.  You’d like to just sit there and be yourself and not have to worry about others around you, but make no mistake you do.  (It’s always them-notice that, why is she always the outsider, does she not have a tribe)

You could just carry on your everyday activities with not a care in the world, like it doesn’t bother you, but in a moment of total bliss, you’ll be called back to the who you are, when someone comes up to you and tries to speak a foreign language to you.  “Excuse me?, no, no, E-N-G-L-I-S-H” you say pointing to yourself as you shake your head with a sympathetic grin.  Really, I want to help, but I’m not “one of you”.  It kinda bothers me to say the least.  Why?  Because we, as a society, walk around and wax poetic on how open minded and p.c. we are, yet we sit in our bubble  not wanting the rest of the world to penetrate our soapy wall

But when you’re sitting in a room full of them comfort and anxiety fight for the spotlight. (what does it take to enter that threshold, does she bring armor, patience? why is she battling? is she one of them? i can trick them to believe it)

  You can turn to left and hear a conversation and understand the colloquialisms and the jocularity of the story.  Then turn to your right and be submerged into an in-depth talk on the socio-economic circumstances (not the right word) of the American Indian, and why Andrew Jackson shouldn’t be revered with a place of honor on currency.  History and it’s interpretations can be amusing and misleading, and should be taken with a grain of salt, because it’s just like a game of telephone that has been occurring over days, months and years.  And depending on the last person, will depend on how the story is told.  If you’re on the white side, you’re just trying to survive in a hostile new country.  If you’re on the brown side, you’re just trying to save your family, your home and ultimately your entire being of who you are and have been for hundreds of years (what’s at stake, what’s the affront and confrontation, what is happening to bring the narrator of fighting and fear, how is that battle in her, who’s attacking).

Technically, this was our country, just like the Europe you left was yours because you were being subjugated and now you turn around and “return the favor”?  I enjoy the fact that America stands so proud and noble in the global market…

Are there any real Indians left?  I ponder this  when outsiders want to claim their inner Indian.  It’s been over 100 years, can people truly claim to still be 100% Indian?  How can that be?  I’d

what’s the difference between and American and and an American Indian and does she have an effect on American, how does that affect her

is she self sustaining?

it’s a way of life and is it threatened, is it sustainable?  what are you longing for?  look at the longing and the loss, what is under the loss? what is she searching for? what is she hoping to get? is she extinct? is she a dinosaur? does she wish she could go back and fix in.  constant duality of knowing, yet she gets sucked up into and does she get mad at herself.

What does Want say to me when I cry and get upset?  “just shut up and move on.  Why do you want to be friends with people like that?  What’s with the title “sustenance”  what does she need to sustain her?

I want to belong to something that doesn’t exist anymore (Sue’s comment)