10:50 on a Monday night.
I have to get writing. After my last vomit of self indulgence I am at a loss of what to write. I re-read the post from the other day, not believing that came out of my head. Thinking it would help me, I try and move forward. Nope, the road block is still up, I can't function properly. I am so in my head I can't let it go. Why can't I just let it go. Just be better and not worry what else is out there. What to write, what to write.....My head is empty, I need to write something productive, this has to be part of my show, why else would I waste this precious time for something that is just going to sit out there in the universe and not be of any use to anyone. As Winnie the Pooh says...think...think....think....Right now I just wish I could make myself cry, I have a play opening in 3 days and I have no emotion for it. Stop thinking of the words, just be there in the moment. How freakin' hokey is that. I used to be able to think of something and cry, but I can't. Get out of my head, out, out, out. Just cry, be sad. Wait, you can't, then what will make me cry next time. I can't let all my pain go. What will keep me warm at night? That's what the pain is for, or is it? Happiness makes you warmer, I think. Instead of just sitting there, not moving, wallowing in your own pain. You jump, you move, you shake. Your heart races, pumping blood, making you flush. Just like when you find that cutie who makes your heart skip and makes you want to be happy. But then it all ends, when the honeymoon is over, and angry, moody person sets in. What a vicious circle? Why are we here, what's the point? Life it seems would be better off it just weren't there.