Sunday, October 12, 2008

10 mins

She wants more. Ashley sits backs and wonders how she ended up here. Trying to figure out why she feels unfulfilled and doesn't care what her house looks like. Her weekdays are filled with busy work, answering emails for this client, finishing a design for another, some filing maybe even a blog post or two, all from the comfort of her couch. Reruns of Charmed and Angel play in the background. Personal mail and bills stack up on the kitchen table.

When she did have a "real" job she would never have let this happen. But with the real job, she was also coming home crying everyday and was always angry. Now that her unemployment has run out, she may actually have to make a decision and decide who she is. Wow, that's the quite a statement. Was she truly thinking that to herself, or was that outloud? Fuck! Really?

Where or when she did she loose her "cajones"? Who did this to her? Ok, now she was really loosing her mind and being this person. Holy fuck? Oh no, she's having a her "Pooh moment"...think...think...think.

From the time she was 10 she knew what she wanted out of life. Or at least her father did. Every time he introduced her it was "this is my daughter Ashley, she's going to be a lawyer someday" and she smiled in agreement. She never wanted to be a teacher or a nurse, lawyer sounded good to her. She did go through a brief phase of wanting to be an astronaut, she had looked into Space Camp and knew everything an 11 could about the cosmos. But that was beyond her shabby means. She also had the forever dream to be a model or actor, but again how could she ever to the big city to make this dream happen? So, she turned to her back

"The courage to follow your gut"