Friday, October 1, 2004

Anger Issues

Since starting this blog last week, I have been consumed with things I can write about, and I realized what a raving lunatic I am. Ok, maybe raving lunatic is a little strong, but I am an angry person, and I do not have patience for a lot of things, and have been making list upon list of what to blog about. The list consisted primarily of things that pissed me off. But something at that moment stopped me from publishing them (oh, they will be published eventually).

I am not one of those "spiritual people" or "hippy types" or however you describe them, but I do believe that you can talk yourself into something. Let me explain.

Ok, I don't like to say I was raised catholic. I went to catholic elementary school and had to go to mass on every holiday, but this is the only time I attended church. I went public high school when it was still ok to say the lord's prayer in the morning and I was always resentful of the

Jehovah witness kids who stood out in the hallway and could be late for homeroom, so they didn't have to pray with us.

But I am by no means religious, I have questioned the existence of god since I was in 2nd grade and did my first communion. Some would argue that I shouldn't have gone through with the ceremony, but I was eight years old, and my parent's couldn't see my side of it. Anyway, I do believe in a higher power, whatever it may be. Stay with me, I do have a point. As a teenager I have had angst, and went through different phases of belief systems, and was settled in, in believing in karma. Everyone gets there's in the end.

But I recently read a book that made me think differently. It contends that there is no karma, whatever happens to you is purely your fault. Which, being a complete realist and sometimes way too much of a pessimist, made sense to me. So I started to think "happy thoughts" and not think badly of everything, and I was much happier.

This brings me to my point. Ok, I know I'm always complaining about something, but this week I was so concentrated on the worst in everything, that nothing was going right. Thus proving that it is all your own will and has nothing to do with karma. I never acted upon my anger issues, I just stewed in the stupidity of others.

I have been contemplating this all week, and this is why I haven't written. I have come to the conclusion that all this anger is not a good thing, I just wish people would stop being so stupid and forcing me to make a statement.